Yesterday Was The Worst Day

Yesterday, I had the worst doctor appointment ever. At first, I was quite excited about it because I was getting my second ultrasound on the baby. I am 12 1/2 weeks, so my doctor scheduled me for a nuchal translucency ultrasound which gives you more detail as to the baby's health. The sonographer looks for any abnormalities or heart defects, anything that would cause concern for an unborn fetus and then shows any findings to a genetic obstetrician. Well they found a doozy on my baby. Apparently, a cystic hygroma is growing on the back of the baby's neck and is causing a great amount of concern. As soon as the doctor told me this, my heart started pounding and then the rest of the visit was a blur! Next thing you know I started hearing phrases like Down's Syndrome and Turner's Syndrome.

I was asked if I wanted a CVS done. I immediately said YES! I needed to know what in the world was going on with my baby. I was told I would have to talk to a genetics councelor and then taken into another room and prepped to have the CVS done. Using an ultrasound, the doctor stuck a needle through my stomach and uterus and into the cystic hygroma in order to aspirate cells for Chromosomal testing. This was a pretty painful since my uterus was trying to fight the needle. At one point I even said SHIT out loud...I figured, I couldn't move so I had to do something.

Then I was sent into a room to talk to a genetics councelor about all of the possible scenarios. As soon as I walked into the room and sat down, I saw a box of tissue and immediately grabbed one because I knew that I would not be able to hold back the tears. This was another blurry moment! She took a family history, but as far as I know, there are no genetic abnormalities in neither my family nor Troy's. I'm not over 35, so that risk factor doesn't play a part in this, so why are we here? I remember her saying things like, trisomy 13, trisomy 18 etc... I remember her explaining to me about Down's Syndrome and Turner's Syndrome (occurs in a female child with only 1 X chromosome, which means sterility for her), she talked about severe cleft palettes and some sort of heart defect that would cause 95% of the fetuses to miscarry and that 5% that survive birth don't make it to their 1st birthday. Like I said, it's all one big blur, I still have a headache!

So now, what am I to do? I've decided to go on as normal until I get the results, probably Monday. Then and only then can I deal with this. So today I attended the Memories Expo here in NJ and I will do the same tomorrow. Sunday I'm throwing my sister's bridal shower; she's getting married May 5th!

I figure it's all out of my hands anyway...completely out of my control. I'm a little sad, but I don't think there's any sense in being angry. Obviously God has a bigger plan...so pray for me even though I don't know where to begin to pray myself!